When I was younger, I never pictured myself getting married or having kids. Not because I didn’t want to—but because I never felt grounded.

For the past 20 years, every relationship ended in the same pattern. Even when I sensed it coming, the outcome still left me confused, clouded, and lost—even if I was the one who chose to walk away.

I never stopped to understand why. I just avoided the pain, let it consume me until it faded, and moved on like nothing happened.

But when my eight-year relationship ended, something shifted. That breakup became a turning point—one that changed how I see everything. This time, it hit differently.

Not every relationship moves naturally into the next chapter of growth and commitment. Some require a wake-up call—something that cracks you open before you can truly see what needs to change.

These moments—whether it’s a breakup, a major conflict, or emotional collapse—force you to confront your patterns, values, and desires head-on.

That breakup shattered a long-held illusion and triggered a deeper realization: I had been running on an avoidant pattern rooted in my inner child wounds.

I instinctively pulled away every time a relationship deepened—without even realizing it. And that response, meant to protect me, was actually steering me further away from what I longed for most: connection, intimacy, and fulfillment.

It had been an undercurrent between us for a long time. I thought I’d feel relieved—finally free. But I was wrong. I found myself right back in that familiar place: confused, lost, and filled with regret. Wondering what I had done. What I had missed. What I had broken without realizing it.

So, this time, I didn’t run. I sat with it. I stayed still. I let it hurt. I chose to grow.

In the weeks that followed, I gave myself some difficult but necessary assignments. I allowed myself to fully embrace the pain, seeing it not as punishment but as an invitation to grow. I faced my mistakes honestly—no matter how uncomfortable—and took a hard look at the life I had built.

I redefined what freedom meant to me; not the freedom to walk away or escape, but the freedom to live in alignment with my core values and my deepest truth.

I spent more time in solitude, not to isolate, but to reflect and reconnect with myself. I chose to remain in the same physical environment, resisting the urge to flee or distract myself.

I consciously refused to numb my pain with alcohol, drugs, or temporary escapes. Instead, I leaned into the discomfort, trying to understand what it was teaching me.

I took full ownership of my actions and reached out to ask her for a second chance—not from desperation, but from clarity. I began the process of rebuilding my inner strength, choosing to cultivate trust, resilience, and a renewed sense of self-respect. I gave us the space we needed, allowing old energies to fade and giving healing a real chance to begin.

When I felt the emotional urge to reach out impulsively, I held back—recognizing that true love doesn’t cling, it respects. I resisted the temptation to be driven by fear, and instead, I turned that energy inward. I focused on myself, on creating better routines, on working toward my personal goals, and laying the foundation for a more grounded life.

The universe always knows when to deliver a lesson. And this one arrived with perfect timing. I chose to receive it with open eyes and open heart. No matter what happens next—whether we reconcile or I move on to someone new—I know I am no longer the same person I used to be. Because without true growth, it doesn’t matter who I end up with. The story will always repeat itself. And this time, I’m not letting that happen.

Photo courtesy by Tema Bersh on Unsplash