I kept hearing this voice in my head saying, “If we are meant to die one day, why does anything we do matter?” since I was very young. This question stayed with me for so long, and I only found the answer 37 years later.

It seems to me that life is just a short visit to this place we call home. I know there are many other souls like me walking the earth who never quite feel a sense of belonging here.

I started this blog as a journal — to document my experiences, to express the strange thoughts and feelings that most people don’t talk about. The kinds of feelings your friends might think are “too much” or even “crazy” if you said them out loud.

Just before my 37th birthday, the sixth of my 7-year life cycles began. My long-term relationship ended. I felt lost, depressed, disappointed in myself — like life was slipping through my hands. I did what I could to save it, but it was not that simple. Everything felt like a bad dream. At this point, I learned the lesson of impermanence the hard way — hard to accept, hard to believe, and hard to understand.

My life had already been quiet as an introverted person. But this time, it went even deeper. I went through some of the worst and most chaotic states of my mind and faced the biggest enemy of myself: the ego. I turned to meditation as a way out of all the madness inside my head. And somehow, something cracked open inside me.

Eventually, I chose to face all my fears, to stop protecting myself, and to accept the fundamental concept of life — the universal truth that life is in a constant state of change: arising, existing, and dying away. I chose to grow and to live a life guided by the teachings of these spiritual guides (David Deida, Michael A. Singer, and Eckhart Tolle).

And every day since, I’ve been asking myself even more. There’s a voice inside me — deep, hard to understand — but impossible to ignore. Why am I here? What is my purpose? I am still searching for it.

With heart,
My identity doesn’t matter.